Choice Cuts 07

The OB Newsletter editor writes: In response to my pleading, Chris Szelewski a former pupil and rugby star has sent the following interesting article from the Middle East where he is presently working. With apologizes to Malcolm who has to photocopy all this, but I think you'll agree none of it merited omission.

MAD DOGS AND ENGLISHMEN. Newsletter No. 84, 27th Dec 1980

'When I arrived in Oman three years ago I had already resigned myself to life without rugby. Difficult to come to terms with but I was being realistic .... or so I thought. It was therefore with a mixture of joy and disbelief that I learned of the existence of the fledging Muscat Rugby Football Centre. I hastened along to the cross on the map to find a white, stucco building shimmering in the haze at the far end of what appeared to me to be a sloping, demarcated sandpit. Confirmation that this was indeed a rugby pitch was provided by recently excavated post holes at either end and a neatly snapped flag post fighting a losing battle with the encroaching sand. So this was it I signed up!

Now after three seasons of treading water on land I wonder what all the fuss was about. The existence of a rugby club in Oman is proof positive of the enduring popularity of the game. But rugby in Oman is unique. Some facts:- M.R.F.C. is the only rugby club in Oman. It therefore follows that all our away matches are played outside the country. Travelling costs for this year are estimated at £16,000. Match fees vary between £12 and £35 and the club is ostensibly self-financing.

The fact that these geographical and financial barriers have been overcome and that the club is a thriving entity is a tribute to a hardcore of expatriates the proverbial 'mad dogs and englishmen'.

Rugby is now well established in the Gulf. The recently instituted Gulf Rugby Union functions well and a gulf league has been in existence for three years. The eight gulf teams play each other on a home and away basis for the championship. These fourteen fixtures are for Muscat the backbone of the season. In addition we hold our own 'International' sevens tournament and attend other sevens and fifteen's tournaments around the gulf. We also entertain the occasional visiting army and navy sides. Other than that we play with ourselves, so to speak.

Travelling to rugby fixtures in the gulf is an experience. We normally travel on Thursday to play on Friday (Arabic weekend). The hosts invariably provide some entertainment the express purpose of which is to ply the suckers with as much booze as possible and cultivate a disinclination to go to bed. To aid this cause a surrogate first fifteen is employed and as they match you drink for drink and party for party they tend to ease any guilty conscience you may have had. Of course the real first fifteeen is safely tucked up in bed by 9.00 pm but this fact only comes to light when it is too late. A nice ruse - coarse rugby at its finest!

Of course from country to country the local attitude to drink varies considerably and nowhere more than Saudi is the ingenuity of the expatriates put to the test. There, the home brewed beer was dispensed from milk churns pressurised by converted carbon dioxide extinguishers. Several of the houses where brewing took place had underground distribution pipes running from them. Elsewhere there is a more relaxed attitude to drink but running the gauntlet of the authorities at the airports and border posts when you've had a skinful requires enormous self control. The return flights invariably provide amusing incidents such as the time when the Gulf Air hostesses were persuaded to part with their uniforms. The bewildered passengers were then served for the rest of the flight by two charming lock forwards and a prop.

Muscat however is for the most part a typical rugby club. We put strong emphasis on the social side and have a choir to match the best. We specialise in harmonious filth! Often the songs are adapted to the countries i.e. 'on the second day of Ramadhan King Khalid sent to me one rag head, two ride ..... my God cried the Sultan he has .....'.

There are also some quite interesting games played, my particular favourite being flaming botties in which the participants run about naked with lighted newspapers stuck up their backsides.

Sponsorship naturally plays a big part in the rugby scene and without it it is doubtful whether we could exist. British Airways and Rothmans regularly sponsor out sevens tournaments and this event itself raises around eight to ten thousand pounds via bar sales, tee-shirts, programs and raffles. The local firms think nothing of paying £500 for a page of advertising in the program! So you can see that we're in a very fortunate position. Muscat's stock has in fact never been higher. We are current gulf champions, have just installed floodlights and completed extensive renovations to the club house and have also received a personal donation from the Sultan in recognition of our achievements.

I just wish some of it could be diverted to S.N.O.B.'s. Well, my time in Oman is coming to an end. I will be leaving in December to take up a job in Canada in the new year. I look forward to fitting in a few games with you on my return to U.K. Regards to all who know me.

Chris Szelewski