A Peep Behind The Scenes (1957)

(with apologies to William Shakespeare and the Kitchen Staff)

Six times the swishing cane hath stung -
But only once the bell hath rung.
Round about the cooker go -
In the mangled rulers throw.
Here's a sock! No need to hide
Galumptious mud from field outside.
Set-squares, paper, all the lot.
Go thou in the pretty pot.

Double, double, toil and trouble.
Fire burn! and cauldron bubble!

Old French verbs - and Latin too,
Maths protractor that's quite new.
History atlas minus cover,
With a shower of chalk-dust smother.
Bootlace dipped in old school ink.
Add some "blotto" - watch them sink.
Old tough rubbers - throw them in
With rubbish rescued from dust-bin.

Double, double, toil and trouble.
Fire burn! and cauldron bubble!

Litmus paper, red and blue,
Iron filings go in too.
Pencil shaving swept from floor,
Orange peel and apple core.
Wastepaper basket emptied out,
Half a pen - or just about.
Greasy dish-cloths torn in rags.
Rugger boots and ends of "fags",
Half-done graphs and history dates,
And mouldy leavings off the plates.

Double, double, toil and trouble.
Fire burn! and cauldron bubble!

Impositions! Bad reports!
And mystic brews from "lab" retorts.
Marble chips! They all go in -
With bubble gum that sticks to chin.
Here's the mixture to make you thinner.
Look what we've got! SCHOOL DINNER!!

D. A. CUMMINGS, IA

(The Editor has no hesitation in printing the preceding parody in view of the excellence of our school dinners)